LONE STAR PILGRIM

My first impression of God

My parents had me baptized as an infant. I remember seeing pictures of me at baptism and first communion. We went to church on Sundays. I was probably told by mother to behave in church because God was present. But it was the overall sensations in the church that seeped into my consciousness. I came to love the rituals, and scents of the aromatic incense as well as the gold candlesticks and vessels that glistened in my eyes. The people in the mostly Catholic region of southern Louisiana were my parents’ friends and relatives. The Mass service was in Latin at that time and I was fascinated with it because it was like being in another country every time I went into the church buildings on the main drag of the city. The clergy and altar boys wore stylized special garments that captivated my imagination. It was like being there for a great drama where the actors were costumed as characters each with parts to play according to a sacred script in the large decorated holy books.

So my first impression of God was that he was distant, holy and special, someone up there I would certainly never meet or know. But he was to be respected and loved.

How God has made himself real to me

My parents moved to Texas and our church was in a building that I mostly remember as being unbearably hot and stuffy in summer. But as a teenager we got a new air-conditioned church and we were all so very proud of that grand and beautiful edifice. My Father was baptized and became very active in the church. He was a skilled leader whom the priest was pleased to press into service and have as a golf buddy. I don’t know why, but I was particularly taken with the new church and was old enough to become an altar boy. I think my identity as a Catholic was becoming stronger. My aunt Madeline was a very devoted woman and she, along with mother, encouraged me in the faith. At that time priests were looked up to and my mother told me if I became a priest my place was made in heaven. And so, as I was about to graduate from high school, I decided to go to the Catholic seminary in Houston.

For four and a half years my closest friends were the sixteen guys in my class. Almost all of us were growing into manhood and played handball, tennis, baseball and pool. I had a good voice so I was in the choir, called the Schola Cantorum. I had learned to play the piano and enjoyed playing the big pipe organ in the chapel. But I eventually became disillusioned with the institution and left in the dead of night with the help of my older brother.

I continued my education in public universities and thanks to a federal loan program I got my B.A. degree and decided I wanted to be a social worker. I went to LSU graduate school for a year, but discovered I did not have the grit to be a social worker. But I got my graduate degree and was hired at a local community college to teach social sciences. Meanwhile, being gainfully employed and single, a friend of mine got us a double date where I met the woman I would eventually marry. She too was a teacher from a working class family like mine and was a Catholic who had been to the convent. So needless to say we had a lot in common.

How God continued to work in my life and my heart

Because of various hurtful experiences during my time in the seminary and afterwards, I came to resent the Catholic hierarchy and some of the Catholic church culture and social system. We moved to Dallas where I got a job teaching in the community college system. My wife and I had drifted away from church and our spirituality and after ten years of marriage we were having some marital problems. In no small part of the fact that we were moving away from God. But Helen went to a local Catholic church with a friend of ours. The priest there was helping to lead a marriage enrichment weekend and invited the married couples present at the Mass to participate. Helen really liked the wonderful priest and we ended up going Marriage Encounter weekend. That weekend changed us as individuals and as a couple. We again found God and learned excellent methods for communicating with each other. We became closer and got involved in that church for several years, taking on a leadership position as a couple. After the priest we loved moved on to a new position as director of family life ministry, the bishop sent us a series of priests, the last of which instituted policies that harmed tore apart our wonderful community. After trying two or three other Catholic churches in the area, we gave up on that denomination and tried other churches but had trouble finding God or any deeper spiritual teachings and challenges in them.

How I came to Jesus Christ

I had been attending a Buddhist Temple for four years and learned much from them, but eventually the “religion” became very shallow for me. A friend of ours, Sarah, kept telling us about her non-denominational church and its minister who was so good. So I told her I’d like to go to church with her and see what she was talking about. However in the interim I decided I was about ready to give up on religion altogether. But I had already told Sarah I would go to church with her. So I did.

When I walked into the church it was rather dark and there was a stage drums and other instruments and three big screens above. She introduced me to the assistant pastor and he said we really love Jesus here. Well, I groaned within wondering if this was one of those ranting and raving fanatical religions. Of course I knew about Jesus and liked him but I had had many disappointments with churches and was not up for a crazed “Jesus freak” church.

Well, much to my surprise the band got on stage and sang and played several upbeat contemporary Christian songs that I really liked. The pastor gave a wonderful message on Habakkuk parts of which I remember to this day, eight years later. It was very Bible-oriented which I also liked, and there were meaty practical applications that I shared with my wife when I got home. I joined a small group of men who shared their faith as well as their family and relationship issues. One of them, the leader, had been in prison for selling drugs, but was now a changed man and a really nice guy to boot.

How Jesus has acted in my life

After three years at the non-denominational church, I was baptized, being the oldest person in the group. As I came up out of the water the congregation, including men from the men’s group were clapping and whistling. I was overcome with emotion and joy and that was the moment of my rebirth.

Although for several years I had been journaling, often “having a conversation with God.” So even though I had become somewhat alienated to religion, I still loved God and felt close to him. I eventually decided that I wanted to go deeper than I was able to at the non-denominational church and joined a church closer to home which was traditional denomination. The sermons are captivating and substantial. They are Bible- based and challenging both intellectually and morally. The pastor and the people in that small congregation, who had been so welcoming and open to me have become my good friends.

I have become comfortable talking to Jesus and am still working on my relationship with him – him being the deep dude that he is. How has Jesus acted in my life? I have made significant inroads on a bad habit I had nurtured for years. I have also been able to largely drop my frequent use of profanity. My wife and I are closer than ever, sharing the Bible and other spiritually-oriented books. This sharing is very deep, at times with tears, and our trust and love of one another stronger than ever before. A lot of that trust and love we attribute to Jesus Christ, the Father and the Holy Spirit. Every night I end the day with a prayer to Jesus asking him to guide me during my sleep to do his will. I spend lots of time studying Scripture and commentaries as well as theological works by Christian writers. I deliver a monthly devotional at our opening assembly and have taught Sunday School classes. In Sunday School I have been able to “go deeper” into the Word and into my relationship with God and others. Thank you Jesus!

- Lone Star Pilgrim

Revised 9-14-23